A New Romance? Individuality and Social Obligation in Indonesian Love and Marriage

• In Event: 150. Modern Intimacies: Romantic Love and Conjugal Projects in East and Southeast Asia

Abstract

As in many other East and Southeast Asian countries, over the past generation Indonesia has followed a pattern of delayed marriage which is especially striking in the case of women. However, although women in Indonesia may delay marriage, they have by no means rejected it. In fact Indonesia remains one of the few remaining countries in Asia that can be described as following a pattern of “universal marriage” (Jones 2005). Women feel the pressure to marry by age 25 and are otherwise commonly regarded as “unmarketable.” Indonesian marriage law and public opinion have supported a marked shift away from arranged married to marriage based on self-choice. But the pressure to marry remains strong, creating considerable tension for young people, in particular for young women.
Against this backdrop a new a new discourse of modern love and romance has emerged among Indonesian youth that emphasizes the importance of finding a partner who shares a similar “life mission” and allows space for “self-actualization.” This paper explores new forms of courtship and marriage that have emerged to address these concerns and the romantic discourses that inform and enact them. While young people have embraced romantic love as a distinctly modern form of relationality and as the foundation for conjugal fulfillment, they have not put aside collective concerns of kinship, community, and economy (cf. Lipsett 2004). “Self-choice” of martial partner is a dominant theme in modern romance narratives. However, family and socioeconomic concerns remain critically important, and parental objections can quickly change the course of self-initiated romance.

Author

• Nancy J. Smith-Hefner, Boston University