“Ya me vio llorar ... Ya me dio vergüenza”: Complicating Researcher Positionality Through Critical Witness

• In Event: Visceral Literacies, Embodied Inquiries: The “Affective Turn” in Critical Research for Social Justice

Abstract

In this close reading of my interview with Josefina, a Mexican immigrant and mother, I explore researcher positionality through the lens of critical witness. As I spoke with Josefina about her childhood in Mexico, her hopes and dreams for her son’s academic future, and her worries about what that future might demand of her emotionally and economically, we were both challenged by the emotions involved. At times Josefina laughed nervously and cried steadily, and then, on a few occasions, she asked something of me - that I recognize the emotional impact my questioning was having on her: “Ya me vio llorar… ya me dio vergüenza.” Now you’ve seen me cry… now you’ve made me embarrassed. This was a difference, a schism between us, for which, despite my best intentions, I had no adequate response. Josefina’s demand that I actively witness her pain and my subsequent struggle with how best to engage in that witnessing reflect themes explored by authors in the fields of education, cultural studies, and trauma studies. Our exchanges forced me to critically examine my own reactions and role as a researcher.
To set a context for the types of issues facing Josefina, I use Lauren Berlant’s exploration of the “new precarities” in which people in our current neoliberal state find themselves struggling (Berlant, 2011). I then use the concepts of “radical listening” or “critical witness” (Cruz, 2012; Dutro, 2013) and “incomprehensibility” (Dutro, 2013) to explore the attempts I made at sense-making during my interview with Josefina. I identify three types of reactions I had to Josefina’s emotional declarations: apologies and empathy; explaining and naming; and commands and declarations. While my reactions demonstrate my attempt at establishing solidarity with Josefina, they also indicate my struggle with exemplifying critical witness. I argue that this kind of witnessing is essential in empirical research, but also that it can be exceedingly difficult in the moment due to “the inadequacy of language in the face of trauma” (Dutro, 2013, p. 2). It was only when given the opportunity to later reflect on my interactions with Josefina that I was able to envision alternative ways to radically listen and affirm her.

Author

• Meg Burns, University of Colorado - Boulder