Promise Keeper: A Critical Self-Reflection on the Trials and Triumphs of a Puerto Rican in Academia

• In Event: Pursuing Our Mothers' Dreams: Experiencing Disillusionment and Empowerment on the Journey to Academia

Abstract

There is this dream that haunts me on those nights when I can not sleep. It is always the same. I am dressed in doctoral regalia standing by my father’s tomb. In my hands, my diploma. I am usually by myself and sometimes my mom is with me. Not my husband, nor my children, but my mom. There is no conversation. On the occasions that my mother is present in my dream, I always say: “Papi como se los prometί. Lo logré.” (“Papi as I promised you. I did it.”) Sometimes I wake up with tears in my eyes, especially on those days when it seems like I will never finish my degree. A few times, fear is what I feel when waking up. I am afraid of failing and not having my mother see me walk across that stage. At other times, I am filled with determination.
I carry my parents’ hope for the future wherever I go. Throughout all of my educational disappointments and triumphs, their hopes are with me. Because public education holds the promise of a socially just future it plays a fundamental role in communities of color. In the case of my community, Puerto Ricans comprise the second largest Latino group in the United States. According to the Pew Research Center (2013), and while Puerto Ricans have higher levels of education than other Hispanics in the United States, 18% compared to 14%, they have higher poverty levels when compared to other Hispanics in the United States, 27% compared to 25%. Being aware of my community’s If education is to become instrumental to the creation of a more inclusive and socially just future, it is important to critically examine the experiences of students of color and the role public education creates in the creation of a society where diversity and human dignity are valued.
Keeping the promises I have made to myself, and my family, are at the forefront of my journey. This paper engages my academic experiences as a Puerto Rican woman from a critical self-reflective perspective where familismo and testimonio take a central role. While familismo is the value of putting family first at the cost of personal sacrifices (Hernández, 2015; Guilamo-Ramos, Dittus, Jaccard, Johansson, Bouris, Acosta, 2007), testimonio is the narration of those experiences (Pérez Huber, 2009). Therefore, creating a counter narrative to the often prevalent deficit thinking view of Latino families not supporting the educational journeys of their members. While the educational experiences of people of color have been researched before, it is of the utmost importance now more than ever when alternative facts are given the same weight as proven fact, to bring these stories to the forefront lest we forget the struggle. Looking at deficit thinking models, which assume that education is not as valued in certain communities as much as in others, showing the rich supportive networks of communities of color is essential.

Author

• Neritza Diaz-Cruz, The University of New Mexico