Construction of Awareness

• In Event: By Being HUMAN: A Collaborative Self-Study of Intersectional and Emotional Disability Narratives Within Higher Education

Abstract

Meta Narrative
Creating with others is an act of trust that when differing thoughts presented, my voice was respected and dialogue resulted. I write with critical theorists while having my constructivist voice valued in our continuing journey that shaped the writing of my narrative.

Paper Presentation Summary:
Time offers self-moments of reflection upon this unfinished business called life and learning. This looking backward often touches the foundation of how our identity is formed and the lens of how life experiences are interpreted. During fall 2011, I enrolled in a Data Management class in my Human Services program as an undergraduate. The floors in the Education building were well worn and heavily traveled since the institution opened this building. However, inside the computer lab, all seats matched, and newer computers greeted each of us. Doing the math; the class was filled with mostly females and a few males. However, this wasn’t what I noticed. I was only 1 of three individuals who were white in this class. I was a minority student in a sea of faces unlike my own. I thought, no big deal, let’s get on with the learning. This was before the: (1) formation and construction of my theoretical frame in Disability Studies and Constructivism, and (2) prior to a new owning of my whiteness and the privilege it offers in academia.
This was my 2nd class with the professor. I had disclosed my LD in perceptual organization to her the semester prior. Now, I revealed the impact my invisible disability would have on this semester's material, i.e., a heavy emphasis in learning and utilizing Excel. I remained silent. And made a deliberate decision not to reveal and not “to come out” regarding my invisible LD.

Othering
I always ask questions in class. I was not one to sit passively by and stay silent if confused. Almost mid-way into the semester our assignments were intensifying in difficulty. I raised my hand catching her eye. With a nod of her head, I proceeded with my question. To my shock and dismay, I heard quiet laughter. I paused, my face turned red. My heart pounded. Waiting for her to respond, she only answered my question. What was my teacher’s message in ignoring the laughter? This was not a moment of what Freire (1998) wrote, “of the teacher affirmed in me self-confidence…but it inspired in me a belief that I too had value… which up until that moment I would have been inclined to hide or not fully believe in” (p. 47). What lens did I see myself in? Why was my teacher remaining silent? Instantly, I experienced othering, a “process of marginalizing” for in this group, I had less power and authority. I felt “oppressed, stigmatized, alienated, subordinated” (SooHoo, 2006, p. 8). I was at a loss for the laughter, the semester progressed, and it continued. The insider status I had so never before noticed was blown to the wind like trees whose greenness was waiting for fall.

Author

• Lisa Boskovich, Thompson Policy Institute