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There are many inequities that can exist within the realm of being a Black female in academia. In an effort to understand this phenomenon and find a healthy space to learn and grow, many Black female scholars have embraced a Black feminist, autoethnographic perspective. As a faculty member turned administrator, I now see how decisions are made, how funds are allocated, and how privileges are disseminated but I am also now seen as part of the problem. In my intersectionality as a part of “us” and a part of “them”, I am constantly shifting. This paper will offer a healing space for me to discuss the complexities of this movement while also explaining the questions I pose to myself.