A Journey Still Unfolding: Looking Back, to Dream of an Imagined Future

• In Event: Inquiry for Truth: Epistemological Narrative and Testimonio as Self-Discovery and Community Building

Abstract

Objectives & Research Questions:
In discussing the theme for this year’s conference, Dr. Milner challenges scholars to identify essential sites for empirical research and to engage in transformative approaches of sharing research. This Epistemology of Education Paper (EEP)–in its poeticism, its use of testimonio (Covarrubias et al., 2018), and its centering of a gay, Brown, addict in recovery–acts as one such essential site for research and for knowledge creation. We anthologized our epistemologies to share our personal stories and research with other Chicana/o/x students because in sharing our stories, we provide a healing and transformative space for others to share their own. This paper is a labor of healing that considers the following questions:
How do the co-existence of trauma and privilege impact one’s understanding of education?
How are spirituality and epistemology related?
What kind of healing can future-dreaming bring about?

Theoretical Framework:
Cruz (2001) writes that “the most profound and liberating politics come from the interrogations of our own social locations, a narrative that works outward from our specific corporealities,” (p. 658). Contrary to hegemonic epistemologies, personal narratives and lived experiences constitute valid forms of knowledge creation. It is with this understanding that I center my own reflections and experiences in the creation of an epistemology of education. This paper is also grounded in the works of hooks (2014), Hannegan-Martinez (2019), McGee&Stovall (2015) Revilla et al. (2020) who push us to envision educational communities of belonging and resistance that have the power to nurture, guide, and heal.

Methods/Sources:
My lived experiences, and self-reflections about those experiences, form the foundation of this paper. Additionally, we were provided with an assignment description that included some guiding questions for consideration. I utilized the course readings from Chicana/os in Education, Policy Analysis and the Chicana/o Community, and Comparative Ethnic Studies courses to help inform my theoretical framework and draw connections between my experiences and scholarship. This final product was the result of an iterative process of self-reflection, feedback and dialogue with my professor and peers, and deeper introspection.

Results and/or substantiated conclusions:
While the experience of interrogating, unlearning, and developing new conceptions about one’s lived experiences can be a painful process, there is healing on the other side of the discomfort. My sense of connection–to myself and to my peers–was facilitated through this assignment, and through the safe and nurturing environment that our professor created in class.

Significance:
The EEP is an act of healing and the ensuing anthology creates space for myself and others to heal in community. As a scholar and an aspiring educator, understanding my personal pedagogy is crucial for my future work with students because it allows me to form meaningful relationships. There is also a deeply personal significance to this project; talking openly about my thoughts and feelings has become a life-saving tool of resiliency. Through engaging in my EEP, I have gained the tool of writing as resilience. There is a healing that occurs when the words make it from one’s head and heart onto paper.

Author

• Alfonso Ayala, San Jose State University
  Presenting Author