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What kinds of scholars are we becoming and producing in the ‘wild and uncontrolled’ times of the Internet? When popularity, altmetrics, numbers of retweets, and more constitute the visibility of scholarship and (misleading) markers of productivity and quality scholarship, we worry that public intellectualism has (further) morphed into self-promotion, profit making, and desires of becoming ‘#scholarfamous’. Drawing on Žižek and Cohen’s differential theorizations of monsters and monstrosities, and worrying technologies like venture capitalist social media, manipulable algorithms, exponentially growing AI, we pursue the (un)known terrors (and maybe promises) that consume and produce academic desires, public scholarship, and scholarly selves. We consider the kind(s) of micro-ethics and macro-responsibilities we might need to guide our scholarly decisions before/as these monsters entangle us.