An Autoethnography: A Black Woman Professor’s Journey

• In Event: Visibilizing Research About the Educational Experiences of Black Women and Girls

Abstract

Objectives: Although faculty are encouraged to “say something” when they “see something” the academy is not often a safe space for Black women (Collins, 2000). Black women are the most isolated ethnic group and “face greater risks and problems” in academia than their peers (Carroll, 1982 as cited in Howard-Hamilton, 2003, p.115). They often face “white silence” from colleagues and administrative retaliation when they speak up about inequity (Collins, 2000).

Written as an autoethnography, this paper documents and analyzes the marginalizing educational experiences of a Black female full professor, her navigation of systemic inequities and unsafe spaces in higher education, and identifies remedies for thriving and survival for Black female faculty.

Theoretical framework:

Positionality and Black Feminist Thought’s (Collins 2000) “outsider within” are the theoretical lenses through which I interpret my experiences. I use positionality as the foundation, considering my socio-cultural upbringing as a Black woman raised in the South, and apply the “outsider within” status to the marginality that I experience. Howard-Hamilton (2003) states that the “outsider within” is a status “...in which black women have been invited into places where the dominant group has assembled, but they remain outsiders because they are still invisible and have no voice when dialogue commences” (p. 21). The dual lenses bring an historical understanding of my experiences of racialized gender marginalization, including the anti-black stereotyping I faced, and the remedies, like self-evaluation and self-definition, that have helped to counter the oppressive behaviors, harm and lack of safety I have experienced in the academy.

Data sources/Methods:
Autoethnography “employs a methodological approach that validates the lived experiences and particularities of Black women researchers, scholars, and participants” (Clemons, 2019, p.11). In this paper, I take an autoethnographic approach in documenting my experience speaking up for universitywide change efforts to support Black students.The data includes my personal journal entries, and reflections on de-identified correspondence, and conversations.

Results
In this paper, I show how my positionality as a Black girl raised in the South during the Civil Rights Movement grounds me in Black culture. As the “outsider-within”, resisting oppression included pushing back on dominant white ways of knowing (hooks, 1994). However, as I explored the collected data using in vivo coding, my analysis of my story changed. Themes of marginalization soon turned to frustration and “disappearing acts” from meetings. Instead of centering racist microaggressions, continued introspection led me to seek remedies such as self-silence, self-care, and counterspaces.

Significance
Black women faculty can reflect on their own lived experiences in comparison to mine, and the remedies for survival. For university administrators, this paper can provide the inspiration to promote respectfulness and true inclusion.This autoethnographic account can give insight on how to create safe spaces to write Black women in academia into existence (Nkamisa, 2023).

Author

• Angela Clark-Louque, California State University - San Bernardino