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Amid escalating anti-CRT legislation and curriculum bans, Amazon reviews of CRT books have become consequential sites of public pedagogy. Analyzing 103 long-form reviews of five widely targeted texts (e.g., Crenshaw et al., 1995; Delgado & Stefancic, 2017; DiAngelo, 2018; Kendi, 2019; Reynolds & Kendi, 2020), this study uses Critical Discourse Analysis, grounded in Critical Race Theory, Critical Whiteness Studies, and abolitionist pedagogy, to identify five interlocking discursive strategies that re-center white grievance and delegitimize race-conscious education: victimhood inversion, credentialed colorblindness, civility-as-governance, moral universalism-as-cover, and panic-based indoctrination narratives. These strategies operate as a public curriculum that teaches readers to fear, pathologize, and punish equity work. Findings illuminate how informal digital spaces reproduce racial power and what educators need to do to counter it.