"Selah": A Black Early Career Scholar and Practitioner's Journey to Cultivating Equity and Being Whole

• In Event: "Control, Alt, Delete": Recalibrating Work-Life Harmony and Reaffirming Scholarly Identity to Better Cultivate Educational Equity

Abstract

In November 2019, Rev. Dr. Howard John Wesley, senior pastor of the historic Alfred Street Baptist Church in Alexandria, VA, announced to the church congregation during a sermon that after 30 consecutive years of pastoring and fighting for justice, “I feel so distant from God,” and “I’m tired.” He said a nap or a weeklong vacation was insufficient for replenishing him and that his connection to God felt fragile and he had nothing to pour into his congregants. He closed by announcing he was taking a 14-week selah starting January 1, 2020 because he needed to rest, reconnect, and reset. Before exiting the pulpit, he proclaimed, “I’ll be back...and better.”

Dr. Wesley unconsciously planted a seed in me, to take a selah, but I could not fathom what that would look like in the academy fighting for more equitable higher education systems for students and personnel, specifically those who identified as Black, Latinx, or first-generation: How could this work possibly continue without my daily involvement? Who is going to stand up for the marginalized communities in critical meetings when I am usually the only person of color in leadership in the room? Who is going to expand their work responsibilities to fill gaps to minimize negative impacts on the disenfranchised and work extended hours without additional incentive in my absence?

In this paper, I engage in critical reflection (Frook, 2011) about my lived experiences being an early career scholar and practitioner working to cultivate equity in higher education systems for students and personnel and the impacts that this work has had on me personally, socially, and professionally. Further, I share lessons learned through battling the symptoms and after effects of COVID 19 (Alberto Lleó, 2020) that forced me into a period of selah, while also witnessing rising COVID 19 cases and deaths and heightened racial unrest in the country following the killings of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, and Breonna Taylor at the hands of police that also lead to university campuses responding with symbolism and virtue signaling masked as anti-racism and inclusive excellence actions. My selah allowed me the time and capacity to reflect and perform a personal “hard reset” (Ladson-Billings, 2021) and adopt positive behaviors for me to better approach equity work with greater attention to and prioritization of self-care and the need for a supportive and trusted social network (Mantai & Dowling, 2015) –The Village—to achieve optimal outcomes.

This work is significant because it sheds light on the impact of burnout and compassion fatigue (Zackal, 2020) that we often ignore as early career scholars and practitioners of color cultivating equity. It also serves as a reminder to lean on your “village” for support and to affirm your need to process and prioritize your wellbeing. Further, this work reminds us that we do not have to wait on a major life moment or event, like COVID 19, to force us to have a selah to reset and change. We can fight for equity and be whole.

Author

• Ivory Marcel Berry, Howard University