From Norms to Feelings: Reconsidering Same-Sex Marriage as a Case of Deinstitutionalization

• In Event: 028 - Regular Session. Marriage, Civil Unions, and Cohabitation

Abstract

In this paper, I draw on findings from a study of 116 married and unmarried gay men and lesbians in Massachusetts to examine what happens to gay men and lesbians’ relationships after they get legally married. I use these findings to explore the idea that same-sex marriage is an example of the de-institutionalization of marriage (Cherlin 2004) and to explore the institutional character of contemporary marriage more generally. My findings show how marriage can have a powerful influence on relationship practices even in the absence of clear norms about how to behave. Instead of shaping behavior through rules and norms, marriage impacted my participants’ actions less directly, by first changing the meanings they attached to their relationships and the ways they felt about them. My participants distinguished between “tangible” and “intangible” relationship changes to show that even if little “tangible” changed about their relationship behaviors post-marriage, being married often had a significant impact on the ways they felt about their relationships. In particular, being married made participants feel automatically more committed and secure. I show how these new feelings of commitment, trust, and security also had a significant influence on their relationship practices, including the way they planned for the future, argued, resolved relationship problems, and managed their finances. Rather than an example of its increasing de-institutionalization, I argue that the case of same-sex marriage helps show how marriage continues to shape our relationships and the processes through which it does so.

Author

• Abigail Ruth Ocobock, University of Chicago