Sometimes You Just Need a Subcontractor: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women’s Infidelity

• In Event: 1480 - Section on Sociology of Sexualities Roundtable Session
  In Refereed Roundtable 60min: Table 01. Doing Sexuality

Abstract

Using a sample collected from Ashley Madison, a niche online dating site catering to married individuals seeking an affair partner, I collected rich interview data from 46 women between the ages of 24-65 located across the United States. Many of the women in this study reported having undergone a shift in perspective as a result of their participation in outside partnerships. Specifically, many women began to conceptualize relationships and the “rules” associated with them—including that of monogamy—as fluid, constructed, and as something that should be personalized and redefined for each person. As a result, many of these women juggle multiple affair partners concurrent with their marriages. This was both an exercise in empowerment and an attempt to assure their sexual needs were completely met. These women conceive of an alternate solution to a marriage that is not wholly working, where their own needs are ignored, unmet, and not prioritized. These women retained the privilege associated with their marriages, but they secretly rejected the social norm of marriage as monogamous. Through this choice, they redefine “commitment” to mean a resolution to remain in the marriage, rather than sexual fidelity. Ultimately, for these women, affairs are a workaround to avoid the pain, inconvenience, financial ramifications, and stigma of divorce. Thus, the women in this study are engaging in secret defiance of the expectations of marriage and primary partnerships.

Author

• Alicia M. Walker, Missouri State University