The Gay Best Friend and the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing: Ambiguously Straight Men’s Interactions with Women

• In Event: 4284 - Section on Sociology of Sex and Gender Refereed Roundtable Session
  In Refereed Roundtable 100min: Table 04. Gender and Sexuality

Abstract

Drawing on life history interviews with straight-identified men who claim to be perceived as gay, I analyze my respondents’ reported interactions with women who mistake them for being gay. In this paper, I focus on two tropes – the “gay best friend” and the “wolf in sheep’s clothing” – that describe ambiguous straight men’s interactions with women. Several of the men I interviewed describe being placed in the role of “gay best friend” by women they are interested in dating. These men claimed that their straight identities are called into question by women who interpret effeminacy as evidence of being gay. Due to fear of being desexualized through the “gay best friend” trope, these men discussed the need to “come out” as straight to women. This signaling of their heterosexual identity, which could be seen as heterosexual defensiveness, is cast as a pragmatic and ethical decision. Other men I interviewed engage with women as a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” These men allow themselves to be read as gay in order to appear non-threatening to women they are romantically or sexually interested in. These men consciously take advantage of perceptions that they are gay men in order to gain intimate access to women. While most research on masculinities focuses on interactions between men, my research highlights the roles that women play in constructing heterosexual masculinities.

Author

• Travis Beaver, Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts