(Re)Defining Same-Sex Relationships in the Era of Legal Marriage

• In Event: 2464 - The Implications of Legal Marriage: LGBTQ Individuals and Same-Sex Couples

Abstract

Drawing on interview and survey research with 116 married and unmarried lesbian, gay, bisexual, and queer (LGBQ) individuals in Massachusetts, I compare the experiences of older people who were already in long-term relationships when marriage became legal with younger people who formed new relationships afterwards to examine how legalization impacted same-sex relationships. Many who were already in long-term relationships aspired and even planned to marry, but only a few actually did so without legal support. When legal marriage became possible, their pre-existing but vague marital desires became more concrete, catalyzing widespread marital action. This was not simply due to the benefits and protections legal marriage offered. Rather, they perceived that legal marriage presented them with distinct ways of demonstrating love and commitment. However, older LGBQ people in long-term relationships also placed less importance on marriage for relationship success than their younger counterparts. Their prior exclusion from marriage and greater entrenchment in LGBQ culture weakened the connection between marriage, love and commitment that their younger counterparts took for granted. Whereas legal marriage shaped conceptions of what was possible for older LGBQ people in long-term relationships, it shaped what was expected and necessary for younger LGBQ people in new relationships. Younger people saw marriage as a deal breaker, but older LGBQ people acted as deal makers, willing to compromise around marriage. By comparing two cohorts of LGBQ people, I show how legalization has transformed marriage from an unformed idea and uncommon practice into an expected and necessary part of same-sex relationship progression.

Author

• Abigail Ruth Ocobock, University of Notre Dame