"Why would we follow their bullshit rules?": Polynormativity in the BDSM scene

• In Event: 2266 - Family Section Roundtables (1 hour)
  In Refereed Roundtable 60min: 16. LGBTQ Families and Polyamory

Abstract

Objective: This paper explores how the BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/Dominance & submission/Sadism & Masochism) subculture successfully challenges the monogamous relationship norms of broader American culture by creating a culture where participants are expected to be in consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships. Background: Although many adults are neither married nor cohabiting, monogamy remains a fundamental normative building block of romantic relationships in American culture. I argue that the demographic composition of the BDSM subculture, along with its socially stigmatized position as a sexually deviant community, perfectly place it to challenge monogamous norms. Methods: This study uses data collected from extensive insider ethnographic observations, 70 in-depth interviews with BDSM participants in the mid-Atlantic US, and an internet convenience sample survey in 2017 with over 1,300 respondents from the US and Canada in the BDSM subculture. Results: The BDSM subculture has become “polynormative,” meaning that the particular CNM practice of polyamory is expected there, the majority of participants prefer it, and increasing involvement in the BDSM subculture is associated with an increasing preference for polyamory. Polynormativity in the Scene de-emphasizes classic polyamorous subcultural rhetoric of “orientation” in favor of an attitude that anyone can do polyamory if they are self-aware and communicate effectively. Conclusions: The Scene has been extremely successful at undoing monogamous relationship norms, but its polynormativity creates problematic pressures against monogamy for some participants. Implications for "vanilla" culture are discussed.

Author

• Julie Lynn Fennell, Gallaudet University