“Love is Not a Finite Resource”: How People Define Their Consensual Non-Monogamy

• In Event: 30412 - Retheorizing Sex, Desire, and Consent

Abstract

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) encompasses any relationship(s) in which all parties agree that they can have multiple sexual and/or romantic partners. CNM has seen increased visibility in the form of representation in popular media and even legal gains. This momentum comes as a puzzle when considering the ubiquity of mononormativity. Mononormativity refers to the societal phenomena that signal that monogamy is the only “true” or “good” relationship structure, reward people for being monogamous, and punish them for not. To better understand CNM against the backdrop of both increased legibility and pervasive mononormativity, I ask, how do the consensually non-monogamous define their CNM? I draw from 44 in-depth, semi-structured interviews with people who practice CNM. I find that most people define their CNM not solely or even primarily by sex, but instead by notions of emotional intimacy and morality. The findings illustrate the necessity for a sociology of relationships, within which sexualities are housed, that adequately addresses the link between sex and emotionally intimate relationships, be them romantic or familial. The findings also invite us to better theorize the relationship between sexuality and morality, as, rather than trying to decouple morality from sexuality as sexuality movements of the past have done, CNM practitioners assert that their sexual practice is moral.

Author

• Mark Alexander Griffith, Northwestern University