Love’s a Hustle: Dating and Labor in the Digital Age

• In Event: 40820 - Section on Sociology of Sex and Gender Roundtables
  In Refereed Roundtable (60 minute): Table 14: Gender, Tech, and Online Spaces

Abstract

The rise of dating apps has significantly altered the way individuals form romantic connections, replacing traditional social networks and reshaping the dating landscape. While dating is often viewed as either a glamorous or transitional phase leading to long-term commitment, this study examines it as a distinct stage of adulthood, shaped by digital platforms and marked by cognitive, emotional, and temporal labor. Although dating platforms have transformed relationships, sociological research has largely overlooked how these technologies actively shape dating behaviors and norms.

This study employs a qualitative approach, integrating in-depth interviews, non-participant observation, and dating logs to explore the experiences of individuals aged 18–40 who are active in the U.S. dating market. Participants reflect on their dating app usage, decision-making processes, and emotional responses, offering insights into how dating technologies influence interactions both online and offline. By analyzing how individuals curate their profiles, interpret dating norms, and navigate uncertainty, The study highlights the challenges of transitioning from online conversations to in-person encounters.

Preliminary findings suggest that dating is a highly demanding process, with dating app technology complicating traditional gender norms. Male participants generally expressed optimism, emphasizing external self-improvement strategies—such as fitness and grooming—to enhance their success on the apps. In contrast, female participants prioritized building trust and framed dating challenges through an internal lens, drawing on psychological insights like attachment theory to understand recurring relationship patterns. These findings indicate that dating apps do more than facilitate connections; they actively shape self-perceptions, expectations, and individuals' understanding of personal growth and agency.

This study contributes to the sociology of technology, family, and gender by reframing dating as a distinct social process rather than merely a precursor to commitment. It underscores the need for further research on how dating technologies shape relationship dynamics and reinforce or challenge existing inequalities.

Author

• Zehra Yildirim, Harvard University