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This paper examines the infant simulator: a widely used robotic baby doll capable of mimicking a range of behaviors associated with early infancy and producing data about interactions with users. The simulator has largely been associated with teen pregnancy prevention efforts in the United States over the three decades it has been on the market. Belief in its efficacy as a form of birth control seemingly rests upon the assumption that simulating parenting with the simulator should prompt the user to reconsider becoming a (teen) parent. Despite extensive empirical literature on the simulator’s efficacy as a pregnancy deterrent, the logic underlying its supposed preventative function has mostly evaded scrutiny. This becomes even more surprising in light of empirical work yielding mixed findings about its effects. In making sense of the apparent discrepancy between the objectives and actual outcomes of simulator use, I place its rationale as birth control under question, specifically interrogating the mechanisms behind how it is supposed to deter pregnancy. As the simulator is ultimately simulating and surveilling the experience of early parenting, this also begs the question of what forms of parenthood it is conveying and constructing. Drawing from the sociological insights afforded by actor-network theory and simulation studies, I analyze 24 key patents on the infant simulator, assessing them for the intentions and assumptions black-boxed in the simulator. I further complement the patent data with media coverage and the empirical evaluations dedicated to the simulator. Early observations seem to indicate the simulator’s design is informed by an emphasis on the more labor-intensive aspects of early parenthood.