“She Might Wear Her Jordans Better Than Me!”: Masculinity in Mixed Gender Masculine-Masculine Relationships

• In Event: Sociology of Sexualities Section Roundtables
  In Refereed Roundtable (60 minute): Table 8: Sexuality and Gender II

Abstract

This article explores the embodiment and negotiation of masculinity within romantic and sexual relationships in which one partner is a straight, cisgender man, and the other is a women or genderqueer person identifying as masculine (e.g., “butch; stud”)—that is, mixed gender masculine-masculine relationships. Extant work overwhelmingly assumes a “complementary” relationship between gender and gender performance, leaving us with little knowledge of how masculinity operates when it is not solely embodied in men, particularly from a relational perspective. We were interested in how masculinity is “managed” within mixed-gender relationships when both partners identify with aspects of masculinity.
We conducted 42 in-depth, semi-structured interviews with people who have been in mixed gender masculine-masculine relationships. Our sample comprises 14 cisgender men and 28 masculine women and genderqueer people, aged 18–65. Coding was done in the QDA software NVivo and followed a grounded theory, inductive approach (Glaser & Strauss 1967).
While most respondents were confronted with external stigma surrounding their relationships, men often leveraged masculine women’s stigma into social currency by presenting themselves as “enlightened” for their adjacency to queerness (see Bridges 2014). Women and genderqueer people confronted serious consequences due to stigma, namely ostracism from queer community. Sequestering relationships emerged as a common strategy.
We find that mixed gender masculine-masculine relationships often free both partners from the expectations—sexual and emotional—of masculinity. Shared masculinity enabled partners to rewrite the rules in lieu of “complementary” gender identities and expectations. Compared to their homosexual relationships, women and genderqueer respondents enjoyed liberation from “masculine” responsibilities (i.e., chivalry, sexual dominance), and men felt safe to embrace femininity and submissiveness. When conflict arose, it was frequently rooted in men’s masculine insecurity. In these moments, women and genderqueer people were often pressured into femininity and submissiveness—a call that was sometimes heeded.

Authors

• Isabel Frances Levin, Brown University

• Kathryne M. Young, The George Washingon University