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Most violence is a way of expressing and handling grievances – a kind of extra-legal punishment meted out by the aggressor against the victim. In many cases of domestic violence these grievances are rooted in sexual jealousy, as when a man becomes violent because his partner has left him for someone else. But attackers vary in who they hold liable for this state of affairs: some attack only their partner, while others spare their partner and attack only their romantic rival, and still others attack both. To better understand patterns of variation in liability I turn to cross-cultural research. Using the Human Relations Area Files ethnographic database, I investigate patterns of intimate conflict and violence in 30 different societies. Using the ethnographic descriptions in the database I identify several distinct patterns of liability that occur in the context of sexual jealousy and alleged infidelity. I argue that factors such as the degree of intimacy and inequality between intimate partners, as well as the closeness and solidarity of third parties, help explain variation in who is targeted for retribution.