"Whoever Died From a Rough Ride": The Continued Disposability of Black and Brown Bodies

• In Event: The Paradox of Balancing Well-Being in Predominantly White Informal Learning Spaces: Legitimizing Black/Brown Autoethnographies

Abstract

Purpose
Living and working twenty minutes from Baltimore MD, where Freddie Gray and Korryn Gaines were murdered by Baltimore City police and Baltimore County police respectively, I am committed to my teaching and scholarship serving the liberation of Black and Brown people and working in opposition to white supremacy. While I may not be a resident of the communities where these individuals were killed, the effect is the same for me as it has been for their families, neighbors, and friends. Whether it be physical death or a spiritual one, attacks on Black and Brown people through practices and policies rooted in white supremacy are designed to undermine our sovereignty and sense of self and safety. As a Black, woman scholar, the terrors (Staples, 2012) prevalent within academe can manifest as imposter syndrome, lack of productivity, anger and health issues, all responses that I sought to overcome when I recently participated in a writing retreat led by a critical sister scholar. What was intended to be a week of pampering and reconnecting with our writing in powerful ways, was disrupted by racialized incidents that were life threatening on several occasions. As I reflect on this experience, the lives that have been ended through state sanctioned violence, and the ways in which faculty of color are silenced and disregarded in academia, I see parallels rooted in a disregard for the lives of people of color. In this paper, I engage critical autoethnographic methodology to make visible the racialized dynamics informed by socio-historical narratives embodied by agents of oppression and me and my colleagues as the recipients of that oppression. I discuss implications for how both oppressors and oppressed individuals can heal from social terrors stemming from racism.

Perspectives
This study draws from Guinier’s (2003) notion of racial literacy as an interpretive framework to make visible the interpersonal, psychological, and structural dimensions of racism operating in an informal learning space.

Methods and Data Sources
This study engages autoethnographic methodology (Staples, 2011) in order to analyze and reflect upon six vulnerable narratives (Bhattacharya, 2016) stemming from racialized incidents at an informal learning experience in order to elucidate the “everyday” terrors (Staples, 2012) that function as instruments of spirit murdering (Love, 2016) for people of color. I further offer suggestions for healing based upon Staples’ (2016) notion of Supreme Love.

Significance
The significance of this study are two-fold. First, while racial micro and macro aggressions in academia have been studied extensively (Joshi, McCutcheon, & Sweet, 2015; Pittman, 2012), they continue to plague faculty of color. This paper forwards a framework that can elucidate the ways in which white faculty participate in racialized offenses against faculty of color, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Second, this paper presents a framework to help faculty of color make sense of racism they encounter in academia and thrive in powerful heart-centered ways. This paper suggests a way forward that is rooted in love and the powerful, hard, and transformative healing necessary to realize our own and one anothers’ humanity.

Author

• Keisha McIntosh Allen, University of Maryland - Baltimore County