Racially Invisible in a Racially Constructed World

• In Event: First-Generation Women of Color Professionals: An Examination of the Intersectional Experiences in Higher Education

Abstract

As a Palestinian refugee, Lebanese national, diasporic immigrant, Arab American Christian Woman, and first-generation college student, my intersectional experience is that of many first-generation college students of color. Exploring these experiences through my autoethnographic account, I bring attention to being invisible in the United States, as an Arab woman, as well as, explicit and implicit racism, and bias that I have grown accustomed to from the age of seven.

Through my autoethnography, my intersectional experiences as a Woman of Color is grounded in Critical Race Feminism (CRF). CRF builds upon Critical Race Theory (CRT), by adding the discourse of gender to race and exploring the intersectional experiences of Women of Color (Wing, 1997). CRF shares the following assumptions with CRT: 1) racism is permanent, 2) the importance of counternarratives, storytelling, and narratives to challenge the views of what is accepted as societal norms, 3) challenging liberal beliefs of individualism and perspectives that are allegedly not influenced by context, 4) understanding that marginalized groups only gain opportunities when it benefits those in power, and 5) challenging conventional heteronormative beliefs through CRT praxis. (Berry, 2010; Childers-McKee & Hytton, 2015; Landson-Billings, 2009; Wing, 1997).

My use of autoethnography advocates for other ways of knowing and separates itself from the traditional research methods of “White, masculine, heterosexual, middle/upper classed, Christian, able-bodied perspective” (Ellis, Adams, & Bochner, 2011, p. 275). According to Ellis et al., (2011), autoethnographies are used to “disrupt power in research” (p. 278) and validating the experiences of others, whose voices have been left out of traditional methods of inquiry. As a first-generation college going, Woman/Mother of Color, I am always aware of my positionality in any given space.

Through my autoethnographic account, I explore how invisibility, racism, microaggressions, sexism, and faith, intersected and created my lived experience. This led me to journey of self-love, acceptance, and using a framework of love, compassion and advocacy, as an administrator in higher education.

When Students of Color do not see themselves reflected in higher education leadership roles, it diminishes their sense of belonging. This is critical in the success and retention of students, evidenced in current student development research (Rose, 2012; Yeager, et al., 2016).

Middle Easterners are not a recognized race category and the U.S. government refuses to recognize us with a box to call our own in the next census (Wang, 2018). If we are invisible, then our needs are not met with services to our communities. In the end we stand alone fighting the ethnic discrimination, and for those of us who are Christian, we are implicated in anti-Muslim rhetoric (Ali, 2017). Through my autoethnography I highlight the invisibility and oppression that Middle Easterners face, as racialized and marginalized groups. As I further explore my intersectionality, as a Women/Mother of Color higher education administrator, I navigate my spaces and use transformational leadership and a framework of love to empathize and support Students of Color and their success.

Author

• Zeina Otaky-Ramirez, California State University - Northridge